Burning Ring of Fire

Today this has nothing to do with the unfortunate relationship between extremely spicy food and it's fiery journey through the digestive system. Nope, I'm actually talking about the Pacific Ring of Fire.

My flight was delayed coming into Hong Kong today, because as I understand it, we had to fly around some volcanic activity in Russia. I can only assume that Russian volcanic activity in the region of my plane's flight path, is a common occurance. So, not really knowing too much about what happened or what could have happened, I can only assume that I survived a murderous volcano attack. Futhermore, I can also assume that as I sit here before you telling you this epic tale, that I not only did I survive the volcano attack, but I clearly I was the one who slayed and defeated the volcano. It's a rare occasion that someone would use the word hero, but I think it's safe to say that, today...I am a hero.

(I know that made no sense. But, hurray for jetlagged induce delusions.)

I'm not sure how many of you have sat on a plane for more than 15 hours. I'm not sure why that's the magical number...it just sounds good. My point is this though, after 15 hours on a plane and then another 1 1/2 hours on a bus, I'm pretty sure that I need to wash off that almost 17 hours worth of travel. I was probably not aware of it, but I'm sure I probably smelled not so good. So with that in mind, why would you not concern yourself with personal hygiene before stepping foot onto the airplane?

Let me just digress for a moment here. Most of you have flown somewhere in the world I'm sure. And most of you have probably sat outside of your departure gate people watching and wondering which of these filthy beasts you will be parked beside on the plane. Don't deny it, you've all done it; sizing up someone as they walk by you, thinking, "Ewww...hope I don't have to sit beside that guy." It's the human condition and as much as we would like to think we don't care about superficial things like that, we all do it. I'm mean come on, why wouldn't I want to sit next to some hot women for the duration of my flight?

But, what I'm trying to get at is this, if I'm sitting there sizing up people, secretly praying to myself that I hope I won't have to sit beside this guy or that women or a crying child or whatever, why then would I give someone else any reason to think the exact same thing about me?

That brings me back to what I was saying earlier; personal hygiene. I think we've all had some kind of poor personal hygiene at one time or another. Maybe you forgot to put your deoderant on before you went to work or perhaps you forgot to brush your teeth one day or something. Point is, we've all done it, we then hopefully make a mental note of it and try not to do it again. Seems perfectly reasonable. We're all human, we make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

So that being said, why in your right mind would you show up to your flight without having taking a shower or at the very very least, maybe wiped yourself down with one of those antiseptic hand wipes or something. Does it make sense to you that you would say go to the gym and work out before your flight and then show up for your flight in your sweaty-ass workout clothes? If any of that does make sense to you, I just want to say that I never want to travel with you ever. I don't care if it's a 4 day trek across the Sahara Desert or like a 5 min car ride, I really don't. You are disgusting and unclean. Unclean!

Seriously though, some woman showed up to the departure gate with the most vile body odor. It was quite grotesque really. And yes, she was one of the people I was secretly praying that I would not have to sit beside. I don't think I'm a bad person for wishing to not sit beside her.

Imagine sitting beside someone with even a mild case of b.o. Now, imagine as that person slowly ripens over the course of a 15 hour plane ride with the fabulous recycled air on board the plane blowing all around you, so that you constantly getting reaquainted with her delightful odor. If you can imagine even a little bit of what that would be like, I think you'd be wishing the same thing as me. Fortunately, I did not have to sit beside or near that smelly woman.

Anyway, I was able to get out of YVR taser-free and I arrived safely in Hong Kong this morning, a hero no less. That's right, I can scratch Volcano Slayer off of my list of things to do. I'm really quite proud of myself. By the way, right now it's overcast and about 22 degrees C, with a slight breeze. Enjoy the coming cold. :)